Music Is Good For The Soul
by Ducky2196
Summary: Dig drags Oliver to a bar one night to see how Felicity deals with her frustrations. Feelings are throwing into the spotlight, ones that neither can ignore for much longer. Some days Oliver Queen just needs to sit down and shut up. Rating may change
1. 90 Days

**Hey all! So yay – I am finally into season 5 (God I love Felicity and Oliver) but I have been thinking that Oliver gets his frustrations out by working out and so I felt that Felicity needed something as well, this is not about her computers. For the life of me I could not stop imagining her being able to sing and using that as her release. **

**Anyone who has read my other fics (not Arrow) know that I try to keep the characters as in character as possible – I try my very best to not do OOC so I'm hoping in the long run this will stay that way – even if her singing is OOC. **

**Chapters will be broken down by a song and then a flash back with some slight changes, coz you know…we LOVE Olicity. Please read and review coz your love makes me write faster! :D Hope you all enjoy this!**

**Song: 90 Days - Pink**

**Chapter - 90 Days**

"Dig man, where are you taking me?" It was unusual for Oliver to be lead blindly into anything – let alone the darkened streets of the Glades and especially not dressed in his normal gear, no bow in sight. Anywhere he would go, he would usually have Felicity in his ear talking him into the darkened rooms or alleyways and have back up from a few different people.

But not tonight – tonight Diggle had forced him to take the night off, reminding him that the others were around if anything was going to happen. He could feel Diggle smirking at him in the dark, he knew Oliver hated surprises and hated not being in control but tonight was different, tonight he needed to just sit down and shut up for once.

Oliver trusted this man with his life and so following him wasn't hard, he just really wanted to know where they were going. With one last turn around a corner, Oliver found himself standing in front of a dodgy little bar, looking pretty scrappy from the outside but there was a lot of people lined up out the front wanting to get in. The warm yellow hue that was coming from the windows and the soft music the encompassed then both made him feel comforted that wherever they were going – it wasn't going to be dangerous.

Oliver watched as Diggle made his way to the bouncer at the door before they both looked towards Oliver, a sharp nod from the bouncer and then he opened the door. Warmth and laughter entered Oliver's ears as he follow Dig down the narrow corridor still unsure of what they were doing there. Stuffing his hands further into jeans, Oliver sighed, "Come on man – you know I hate surprises."

It didn't take long for Diggle to lead Oliver into an open area, it was large, warm and filled with tables of people, drinks and snacks littering the table. The wait staff running around back and forth from table to bar and back to the tables. In front of the large area was a stage, nothing too large, small enough for a couple of people it they needed it. Taking a seat next to Dig at the bar, Oliver ordered himself a drink, glaring at Dig as he did. He _really, really_ hated surprises. As if reading his mind, Diggle laughed, "Oliver, just sit there and shut up for once." Oliver huffed a little, still not liking the idea of this surprise.

The room quietened down after a minutes, Oliver glancing at the time, it was around 9:30pm but the place was only filling up. From where they sat, Oliver had a clear view of the stage, the single mic and two seats sitting bare but it didn't last long, a young man making his way onto the stage with a guitar in his hand, drink in the other. Oliver and Dig watched intently to see what was going to happen, Oliver's heart dropping the minute he saw the familiar blond making her way onto the stage.

Cheers erupted through the room, people calling out and clapping. '_Lissy_' echoing off the walls.

Felicity.

Felicity was there – on stage, a bright smile on her face like she belonged there. He took her all in, she wore a dark green dress, a small smile tugging at Oliver's lips, it was so similar to the colour of his suit. _Hot colour. _His eyes travelled down her, taking in the hip hugging dress which stopped about mid-thigh, down her long legs before settling on her feet, her usual heels gone instead a pair of green flats finished off her outfit. She looked _happy_.

"Hey everyone!" Her voice came through the mic as she took a seat next to the guitarist, placing a kiss on his cheek before she turned back to the crowd, all of which had continued to cheer for her. "Thank you for coming out tonight! I have seen a lot of familiar faces, which makes this feel so much more awesome." Oliver watched as she scanned the crowd, smiling as they settled down, if she could see Oliver and Diggle sitting at the bar, she hadn't let on at all. But then again, Oliver had been on stages before and he knew how the lights affect you vision, he would be surprised if she could past the first few tables.

"Wow, it feels as though there are a _lot_ more people here now-" Yeah she could only see so far into the crowd. "-I know it's been a while since I've been here. It's been a crazy few years but I am so happy to have made it back for the night!" She smiled wider, Oliver realising that Felicity was exactly where she wanted to be.

"What has been happening with me? Well I got an awesome job – still at Queen Consolidated," She waited for the cheers before continuing, "Ah I fell I love," again more cheers. "But had my heart broken…" the cheers quickly turned to boos but Felicity still smiled, "Ah come now – trust me, he is a good guy. A little dim but I still love him. He is a _good_ man, I just wish he could see that." Oliver frowned, she was talking about him, he knew she was. After their conversation in the hospital, after Sara was born, he knew that she was talking about him. He sighed deeply, she still loved him after everything. "But you know what they say – heartbreak makes for the best songs…" With this she turned to the guitarist, readjusting herself on the stool, bringing the whole mic stand closer to her lips.

Oliver watched as she swayed a little to guitar chords that played, the rest of the crowd had settled back into their seats. There was a bright smile on her face, something he hadn't seen for a few weeks – he blamed himself for that one. It only took a moment before he voice filtered through the room

_We're driving in a black car, And it's blacked out and we're spinnin'  
We're listening to "Fast Car", And you're driving fast and you're singin'  
Don't wanna tell you what I'm feelin', Don't want this night to hit a ceiling_

He couldn't take his eyes off of her, she was stunning, her voice perfect pitch for the song, one leg perched on the foot rest, the other hanging down, barely touching the ground. Both hands rested on the mic, her eyes closed as she focused on the words that feel from her lips. He couldn't help but realise that the song was about them. _  
_

_I'm wearing dirty white shoes, A white t-shirt and your jacket  
I'm laughing, but I'm lying, When you're smiling, I'm the saddest  
I hide my face so you don't see it, I think out loud, hope you don't hear it_

Sighing deeply, Oliver felt his heart shatter again, she was trying to hide so much of herself from him, especially after he had broken her heart and now she was letting it all out but he wasn't supposed to be there, he should never had heard those words. He shouldn't have learned how she was feeling and that killed him. He had been the one that she would go to if she needed anything, he was her first port of call for a shoulder to cry on or something to vent to but here she was, a room full of strangers, pouring her heart out and he wasn't supposed to even know about it.

Her voice rose, the passion she felt lacing with the words that fell from her mouth, one hand dropping from the mic, raising and moving as if she was trying to fight something within her, the movements following the rise and fall of her voice.

_It's going on 18 months now, And it's fucked up, but I'm falling  
I feel it every day now, But I'm stallin', but I'm stallin'  
I'm here, but I'm in pieces, And I don't know how to fix this  
And I don't know how to fix this, no_

She put as much emphasis as she could find on the words, _I'm here but I'm in pieces, I don't know how to fix this…_ It broken Oliver's heart even more to hear how much she was actually struggling and he couldn't help her through it.

Felicity wanted to get it all out. She had finally found the right way to get all her frustrations out, something she used to do as a kid, she would scream and sing and yell. And Oliver was a frustration to her, she _loved _him, that was never going to change but he had hurt her, granted she could see the pain in his eyes when he spoken to her that day in the hospital and she hated that she actually _understood_ but that didn't mean it didn't absolutely make her feel shattered.

_If I'm just somebody that you're gonna leave, And you don't feel something when you look at me  
You're holdin' my heart, mmm, whatcha say? Just let me down slowly, I'll be okay  
If you're just some habit that I gotta break. I can clear my system in 90 days  
You're holdin' my heart, mmm, whatcha say? Just let me down slowly_

Oh how Oliver wanted to run up onto that stage and take hold of her. He never wanted her to feel like she was just a thing to him, that she was someone he would just get over. There was so much passion in her voice the words. He didn't want to let her, he didn't want to let her go.

_I get up, turn the lights out. And it's four o'clock in the morning  
I close my eyes, I can't sleep. A hotel room in New York, and  
I feel the space that's in between us. Convince myself that this is real love_

Felicity opened her eyes, taking in the world around her. One of the best things about this small places was that she couldn't see how many people that were there, she could get lost in her own voice, her own world and her own thoughts as she let the words tumble out. She had never had stage fright but Felicity liked not being able to see the world around her when she was on stage.

Her voice rose again, much like it had moments ago, the same emphasis from moments ago seeping into the words once again.

_'Cause you made this shit so easy. And I told you my secrets  
So I don't know why I'm tongue tied. At the wrong time when I need this  
I'm here, but I'm in pieces. And I don't know how to fix this  
And I don't know how to fix this, no_

Yes she had told him her secrets, she had been more open with him than anyone she had ever known. Felicity had never wanted to hold back anything from him, she was always open and willing to give him everything, even if it took a little push, but the leap was never far away.

Felicity sighed, she knew tonight was going to be hard for her, it had been the first time she had been to the bar in about 2 years – since she had started working with Oliver and The Arrow – but also because it was the first time she had let herself honestly express how she was feeling. She had stumbled across this particular song by accidence but it had struck her hard

_If I'm just somebody that you're gonna leave. And you don't feel something when you look at me  
You're holdin' my heart, mmm, whatcha say? Just let me down slowly, I'll be okay  
If you're just some habit that I gotta break. I can clear my system in 90 days  
You're holdin' my heart, mmm, whatcha say? Just let me down slowly_

Felicity hoped with everything that she had that the words to the song didn't reflect her life, that Oliver wasn't going to walk away from her, she hoped that he wouldn't turn his back on how she felt for him and how he felt for her but she knew he was hard on himself, he was fighting an inner battle she was desperate to help him with.

As the song came to an end he could see Felicity's chest heave, the full weight of the song coming down and them both but the crowd around them cheered, Diggle clapped by his side but all he could do was stare at her, the wide smile coming back to her face as she heard how the crowd cheered and called out her name.

Oliver Queen really did hold her heart in what he said – his words filling her up with love or pain but he was not something she wanted to give up.

"Oliver please – just…please don't go in there alone." Felicity really didn't want to beg, she hated when she sounded like she was begging for something but this was different. The Count had already dosed him twice with Vertigo, both times he had gone up against him so Felicity found it crazy that he was willing to do it a third time.

Oliver sighed, he knew he shouldn't go alone but he needed to find The Count, he had had enough of Vertigo running through his city – his sister and he was done not fighting. "Felicity, I can't sit back and wait for another body to drop." He huffed, leading against the side of her desk. He pushed away from the desk, angry that she didn't understand, angry that she was right.

"But you are ok if it is _your_ body that drops?!" Felicity spun in her chair to face him and she was angry. He could be so reckless some days, she knew he was doing everything he could to keep this city safe, the people he loved safe but she didn't ever want that to be at his own expense. He sighed and looked at the time, he needed to be getting back to the courthouse anyway, he knew he couldn't leave Thea alone and the jury was still hearing the evidence on his mother's plea. He had gone off to the Foundry to clear his head, he _needed _to get out of there. And finding the Count was definitely clear his head.

Slowly he placed his bow back in its case, unzipping his green leather jacket. As he removed it slowly from his shoulders, he could hear Felicity let out an audible sigh of relief. He hated that she worried about him the way she did.

It seemed like hours had passed as they waited in that courtroom, then outside the courtroom but as his phone rang, it felt as though all time had stopped. He had almost smiled when he had seen Felicity's name on his phone screen – almost. But his entire body felt as though it had dropped when he had heard the Count's voice echo through his ears.

"Oliver…is it ok if I call you Oliver? Surprised to hear from me right? Not as surprised as I was. You see I find this not so unattractive blonde getting all up in my business…" Oliver could hear the whimper that escaped her lips as The Count spoke. "And what does she have on her? A Queen Consolidated ID badge. Now I think to myself, why does name sound familiar? Oliver Queen. He tried to buy off me last year just before The Hood put me in a padded cell. Ipso Facto – Arrow…"

Oliver took off barely remembering to go back to Thea, not even caring that she was upset that he was leaving the courthouse. This was _Felicity_. This freak had _Felicity. _

He had no idea how he had gotten to the Queen Consolidated offices, he had no idea how he had brought himself up to that top level, all he could think about was Felicity and if she was ok. He found her instantly, strapped to a chair, her whole body ridged with fear as the Count stood behind her, his hand on her shoulders, her skin. Oliver could see her whole body tense even more, pushing herself further into the chair – trying to get as far away from him as possible but clearly not succeeding.

Gunshots and movement happened next, Oliver found himself taking shelter behind a couch not knowing what was coming but the sound of Felicity cry out made his insides tighten, his heart breaking knowing she was scared and hurting. He had made it to the opposite side of the Count, dropping in from behind him with his arrow drawn. "And now we move onto plan B."

The Count had Felicity, his fingers tangled in her pony tail, a brief thought crossed him mind that the only fingers that should be tangled in her pony tail was those of a lover – his. The Count had pulled out a syringe of Vertigo, aiming it right at her neck.

Felicity, _his _Felicity was always the voice of reason though. She knew what was going through his head. "OIiver don't, not for me…" she sounded absolutely terrified but she didn't want him to give up his no killing rule.

"Quiet please I'm threatening." The Count grumbles as he held the syringe closer to her neck. A gasp coming from Felicity's lips as he pulled tighter on her pony tale.

Oliver didn't know how it happened, he had barely heard the words out of the Counts mouth to lower his bow – but he did, he couldn't take the shaking or the sharp intakes of breath coming from Felicity, he needed her to be safe, he needed to save her but he also knew that the count didn't screw around. He couldn't take the chance he would miss and hit Felicity. Slowly, the arrow in his hand clattered to the ground, the sound echoing through the empty room, almost in defeat. "Your problem is with me – not with her." He tried to keep his voice steady, but even he could hear the fear behind his words. He was so desperate to get her back into his arms.

Within a moment, the Count grumbled again, the syringe inches away from Felicity's neck as he aimed for her, Oliver did the one thing that he so desperately did and didn't want to do. With quick fingers, he pulled an arrow from his quiver, firing in rapid succession one, two, three arrows, straight at the Count. He watched him stumble backwards, his hands instantly letting go of Felicity so she could fall to the ground, The Count crashing through the glass window and falling. Oliver watched for a moment, lowering the bow he realised he had killed the Count. A few deep breaths let Oliver steady himself, the rush of adrenaline releasing from his body as he looked over to Felicity.

He needed to touch her, to know that she was ok, that she was safe, that he had saved her. Rushing to her side, Oliver crouched in front of her, his hand instantly to her cheek, she whole body shaking. Soothing words fell from his mouth, "You're ok, you're ok, you're safe." Both for himself and for her to know that it was true.

Felicity was shaking as she reached out to touch his arm, anchoring herself to him, needing to know that he was really there. A slight gasp coming from her lips, coming down from the fear that she had just felt. She looked into his eyes, finding the comfort she needed her, he had come for her.

Reaching out to touch his arm, she realised he had been shot, but he brushed it off, his voice so low and soft that it made her insides ache. He searched her eyes before pulling her closer to himself, holding her against his chest, Oliver let his lips fall to her forehead, feeling Felicity tighten her grip around him, her hand holding him tightly. She was in his arms and he wasn't going to let her go now.

Hours later that stood in the Foundry – Felicity wrapped in a blanket, Oliver in his white undershirt. She thanked him for coming for her, and apologised for being the one who forced him to make the choice to kill him.

But Oliver had taken a step closer to her, his hand reaching out for hers, he _needed_ her to know that there was no choice. "He had you and he was going to hurt you…" His voice dropped again, soft like velvet. Oh boy she was in trouble when he spoke like that, "There was no choice to make." He pulled her into his arms again, this time wrapped both his arms around her, his lips once again falling to her forehead. He felt Felicity relax into his arms, her hands tightening into fists at the front of his white shirt.

This felt right, this _was _right.

**Please let me know what you think! And if I should continue, I have a list of songs that I think are perfect for this so if you all want me to continue, I will! **


	2. Got It All Wrong

**Thanks so much for the love from the first chapter. I am so happy so many of you are enjoying it! I hope you all like this one just as much! A small kinda treat for this chapter - there will more than one scene after the song. I didnt want to split them and i felt that they both made sense for this chapter. **

**Song: Got It All Wrong - Wakey!Wakey!**

**Got It All Wrong**

Felicity smiled widely as the cheers settled down, taking a sip of her red wine, she turned to her guitarist, his smile just as wide. It was clear he was happy to have her back on that stage, the crowd cheering louder as she turned back to them. "Awe you guys!" She laughed into the mic, repositioning herself on the stool, the flat shoe almost falling off as her leg still swung down. "So a little story…I knew James-" She motioned to the guy just off to the side, older man who looked liked he had been in the industry for a while, "back in Vegas. I was only a kid and my mum worked in his bar."

Oliver watched as she took another sip of her drink, she looked so open and carefree talking about her past up there and part of him hurt knowing that she struggled to talk about it when they were together but up there she was an open book. But he realized that she was so open because she didn't know any of these people, not really. God he wanted to go onto that stage and pull her to him.

"So being a kid who had school work but a mother who worked days and nights, I would spend my nights at the back of the bar studying and doing my home work and one night, it was late but I found myself standing on the stage at _Ragged, _mic in my hand and an angry song playing through the speakers." She laughed, shaking her head, clearly remembering the night. "And that's how a 14 year old ended up singing every night – I would bring people into the bar and my mum would get paid extra for the help I was bringing in."

A smile ghosted over Oliver's lips, he could imagine a young Felicity belting out angsty teenage songs. He almost liked these songs better though.

"Anyway, when I found James again about 3 years ago, he was desperate for me to get back on stage and I did, falling back to the old song that I'd grown up with but none of them really meant something to me and so after a few years away I needed to find a way to get through the frustrations of my own life I decided that tonight, this set, was going to be something that I needed."

Suddenly a more up beat song started to play, the guitar solo causing Felicity's foot to start tapping against the foot rest of the stool.

"You know when you fall in love with someone and you are desperate to make it work – even before the relationship – you both try your hardest to even show how you care about the other person." She sighed a little, her smile faltering just a bit before it widened again, hearing the timing start for her next song. "What if how you approached it all was just wrong?."

_It's been long enough that I can think of you__. __It's been long enough that I can speak to you__  
__But I don't really think that you'd want to anymore__  
__Yeah, I could've done much better for you__  
__Yeah, I could've done much better for you__. __But you could've done much better for me I'm sure__  
_  
Oliver watched as she nodded along with the more upbeat music, a bit of a shock considering the words that were coming from her mouth, a stark contrast to the music. He wondered if she was hurting as much as he was, he knew she was but how much? He couldn't ask her, he almost wasn't allowed to ask her about it but he was desperate to get back to being close to her. Did she really think he didn't want to speak to her? To be with her?

_What if we got it all wrong?__What if we got it all wrong?__  
__What if we got it all, what if we got it all wrong?__  
__What if we got it all wrong?__What if we got it all wrong?__  
__What if we got it all, what if we got it all wrong_? 

Felicity closed her eyes for a moment, letting the words flow over her, she had picked another song that meant something to her, inadvertently putting her heart on her sleeve but she had needed to find a way to deal with her frustrations. She knew he was in no way completely to blame for how things have been going between them. She wanted to blame him, wanted to hate him for breaking her heart but she just couldn't.

_So we tried our best, but it wasn't enough__. __And we tried so hard that we fucked it up__  
__And I understand, yeah I understand it love__. __It's gotta be hard what you're going through__  
__And I get what you say, but it's what we do__. __That got us here and I guess what's done is done__  
_

Oliver sighed, he had gone about their relationship all wrong but in his defence, there was never supposed to be a Felicity Smoak. When he started all of this, even when he had approached her that first day in her office, he never expected to have this sudden feeling of calm come over him. He watched her closely, watching as she cheeks reddened slightly from the wine and the lights, a small lopsided smile finding her lips as she continued.

_What if we got it all wrong?__What if we got it all wrong?__  
__What if we got it all, what if we got it all wrong?__  
__What if we got it all wrong?__What if we got it all wrong?__  
__What if we got it all, what if we got it all wrong?__  
_

Felicity scanned the front few rows again, the next few lines she already knew were sticking out to her, no that anyone else that room had any understanding of what she did on her nights and the fear she had Oliver out on some mission but then also pain she felt with having him so close but not be able to reach out to him. She inwardly groaned, all she wanted was to touch him.

_The days are short and the nights are long__. __And it's all fucked up but we carry on__  
__Cause there's little else and there's nothing left to do__. __And I could've done much better for you__  
__Yeah I could've done much better for you__. __But you could've done much better for me, too_

___What if we got it all wrong?__What if we got it all wrong?__  
__What if we got it all, what if we got it all wrong?_

Felicity couldn't believe how adorable Sara was. Her cute little chubby hands and cheeks, she honestly could have held her forever and never put her back down. She never wanted to let her go. She knew she was staring and smiling like an idiot, Lyla and John doing the same as they watched on, one of their closest friends completed in love with the new born baby. Felicity didn't even realize that she had looked up at Oliver, her smile widening a little when she say him watching her closely, a ghost of a smile on his own face, but the look in his eyes held more than he was giving away. She could see it.

A sharp cry pulled Felicity and Oliver from each other, their eyes breaking contact as Sara continue to cry, John reaching out for his baby, "I think someone is hungry…" He whispered, turning to Lyla slowly. Felicity and Oliver nodded at them, whispering a goodbye and another hug and congratulations before moving from the room.

Walking side by side, Oliver with his hands in his pockets, Felicity couldn't help the smile on her face, "They look really happy…she's beautiful…" She breathed out happily.

"She is." His reply, barely above a whisper. "We need to talk…" They was louder though, easier for her to hear, granted she wished she didn't hear it.

Slowing her steps, Felicity inwardly groaned, "I don't want to talk…" She hated that she sounded like a little girl. "Which for me is a little unprecedented but…" Her breath came out as they slowed to a stop, watching as Oliver turned to face her, "…as soon as we talk it'll be over…" She wasn't stupid.

Looking up at him, Felicity could tell that he was hurting, something was hurting him, "I'm so sorry. I thought I could be me and the Arrow but I can't. Not now…maybe not ever." His last few words were heartbreaking. He looked so sad and down when he looked back at her.

But Felicity's reply came too quick, this was something that she should have been expecting, a conversation that she needed to prepare herself for. "Then say never. Stop dangling maybe's. Say it's never going to work out between us. Say you never loved me. Say…" She was falling apart in front of him, she didn't want to fall apart in front of him. She couldn't.

"Oh Felicity…" it happened quickly, his hands were on her cheeks, bringing them together as he placed his lips on hers. He wanted to hold her close, to show her exactly how he felt but hearing her ask him to tell her he didn't love her almost broke him. He was hurting her, he was breaking her and the knowledge that she wanted to hear ithose words from him almost did him in. Somehow they turned, he kept her close though, not wanting to let go of the feeling of her lips on his. The soft gently touch of those beautiful lips he had wanted for so long.

He pulled away slowly, a small gasp leaving her lips as he did, his hands not moving from her cheeks, for fear that she would melt away and he would have imagined that kiss. Watching as she opened her eyes slowly, she gazed up at him, trying to understand him, trying to slow he beating heart and trying to keep her hands from reaching out for him and bringing him back to her. "Don't ask me to say that I don't love you."

She didn't move, holding his gaze, the full meaning of his words coming down on him. She didn't know what else to do, didn't know what else to say, "I told you as soon as we talked it would be over…" Reaching for his hands, Felicity grasped his wrists, wanting so much to not let go of him but she had to. Pulling her face from his hands, she turned on her heels and hurried away from him, hoping she was far enough away from him that he didn't hear the heart shattering sob she let out as she went.

Standing in the hallway of the hospital, Oliver couldn't believe what he had just done, his hands still raised in the same position, he closed his eyes, inwardly hating himself for letting her walk away again, watching her back as she moved away from him. The feel of her lips on his was something he was never going to forget. Slowly dropping his hands, he felt his phone start to vibrate in his back pocket, reaching for it, he heard the painful sob that fell from her lips as she hurried away from him.

How did it all go wrong?

Felicity hated this alley way, there had been many arguments and yelling in this alley, between her and Oliver or Oliver and John but no matter what they always seemed to come back to each other all three of them. Standing there, she felt cold and angry and just hurt. Oliver was back. He was back and all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around his neck and never let him go. But she was so angry with him now, working with Malcom Merlyn? How could he do that!

She had been there for barely a minute before she felt him coming, felt before heard, they had always been that in tune with each other that they always knew when the other was there. That's why she had believed that he was still alive for all those months, never really wanting to give up on the feeling she had.

"Felicity…" His voice was soft, trying to call out her attention.

"I need some air really means I don't want to talk...right now" She huffed, moving away from him a little more. She couldn't bring herself to look at him, to even be close to him now.

"I'm sorry..." Oh how she hated those words from his lips, he had said them too many times for her liking and she wanted to hate him for it each time he spoke them. He stood and watched her, really wanting to reach out to her. She had walked away from him in anger only a couple of times in the past, so he knew this was more than anger, she wouldn't even look at him.

But she did turn, her face tight with pain and anger and frustration. "For what? Maybe you could be a little more specific. For letting us believe you were dead? For weeks? Or for abandoning every principle you claim to have by getting into bed with Malcom Merlin? Uh-uh." Taking a step back from him as he approached Felicity scoffed, how could he honestly stand there like nothing had changed, like nothing had happened between them almost a month a go and now he was back like nothing had changed.

"That's not why you're upset..." Oh how right he was, he hated being right all the time. Oliver ached for her, he wanted to bring his arms around her but this was the first time she had actively avoided his touch, moving further from him, the space between them almost unbearable. He could barely speak, the pain on her face matched what he was feeling inside. Oh how he hated himself for what he had done to her.

Slowly, Felicity moved closer to him inch by inch until they were so close he would barely be able to reach out for her and he would be holding her hands. "While you were gone. For almost a month, I let myself to... fantasise ... to dream that maybe, just maybe Merlyn was wrong. That you were alive and that you would come back and you would be different, that almost dying would give you a new perspective on life. That you would do things differently" She swallowed, telling him that she had fantasised about them together or how he would act was hard, but he needed to hear it. She had held him close for all those weeks, not wanting to let go of the idea that he would come through her window one night, holding her close while she cried happy that he was back and with her.

But he knew she wasn't talking about how went about his Arrow business, her eyes held so many of her emotions that he knew exactly what she was feeling before she spoke. "Things between us you mean..."

Felicity almost wanted to scoff, of course it was about them, it was always about them. "Before you left, the last thing you said to me was that you loved me," Oliver nods, there is nothing else he can really say to her, he needed her to know that he loved her, it was important to him that she knew that. "Now you're back and the first thing you tell me is that you're working with the man who turned your sister - a woman your supposed to love - into a killer who killed a woman you used to love…" She really didn't want to say this, Felicity never thought she would hear herself say this Oliver Queen…"I don't want to be a woman...that you love."

She missed the pain on his face, the knowledge that he had actually lost her, that she was walking about from him and he had no one to blame but himself.

How did it all go wrong?


End file.
